Teachers may miss their students, but thats life. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault.. I'm an engineer. Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? It was an even match until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player. Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance. Check out 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults. I Cant See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash. There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface. And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? I Get By with a Little Help from Depends by the Beatles. Youve retired from your job. The engineer responded briefly: Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. Browse 35,847 retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. Report abuse. Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2009. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. Not sure what Im going to do on the second day though! In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, Im wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS.. He spent a day studying the huge machine. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a . But you can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering your plants. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $49,000. . You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. God must be an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system. Q: Why did the electron throw up? ", The engineer, arms folded, tapping his feet said, "Ok, but if theyre blind then why cant they play at night?. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. Roach. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. Q: Whats the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers? Whos there? "Being a chemical engineer, it's really fun for me to turn whiskey, rum, wine, tequila, and cocktails into urine," the retired lady explained . Farmers never retire, they just go to seed. Roofers dont retire, they just wipe the slate clean. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. Youve finally reached retirement age! Hey Boss, why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? It was a natural log.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. "Let's see what you have. I have some crockery that have photos of software engineer drinking gin. Q: Why did the Higgs Boson go to church? Check it out because youll never know when you really need it. A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? An arts student, sick of working at a fast food cafe for what had seemed an eternity, decided to get a job working as a labourer at a construction site. So, take time to read our funny retirement speech jokes. Girl: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses. First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. When I retire, Im going to enjoy my life and live off my savings. The engineer lost his patience, "What's going on? Boy: Yeah I know. He is only about five feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. What more do you want?The engineer says, Look, Im an engineer. Dont be afraid of software engineers. There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who dont. Planning for a retirement party? We still have some knock-knock jokes. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. A: Antarctica! The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. There was a constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out. The guard grabs a hold of the lever, but just before he can pull, the engineer points up and says: "Oh hey, I think I see where the problem is". ", "Well," she says, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. A: For the mass. RHR. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? Computer 1 : Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit. 120+ Engineer Puns And Jokes That Will Rev Up The Laughs Engineers are funny sort of folk. Understanding Engineers #4 - Coming out of Retirement. "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals. Finally here! Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Assume the can is open!. Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? Knock knock. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. Here are 20 career options to consider as a retired engineer: 1. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. Q: What did one bridge end her relationship to the other bridge? I survived a teaching career with my sanity intact. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. The physicist goes first. He made a special case of making fun of the wiry engineer on the site. He descended a bit more and shouted, Excuse me, can you help me? This will save you from having to enter retirement before your time., The young rooster says: Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? While you are at it, you can also check our Best Boss Jokes and Puns. Gear up and scroll down for more fun! Recently, I was diagnosed with A. Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. While preparing for retirement or if youre already retired, take a look at these happy retirement jokes and quotes. Go away! said Myra. 1: What kind of music do you like?. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer. A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? Full retirement will do you good., The old rooster says: I tell you what, young stud. An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. He worked it out with a pencil. Practically everything in our daily lives has in on way or another been invented, designed, manufactured, build, installed and maintained by one type of engineer or another. He replied, I cant wait.. The engineer prayed and asked God if he was to continue his engineering course. 12 people doing the job of one. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip so when they arrived at the station they bought only one ticket. A World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. Did you hear about the constipated engineer? Retirees answer: Six Saturdays and one Sunday. ", The vicar saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come that group ahead of us are so slow?, The green keeper replied, "Oh, theyre all blind firemen. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. Why won't you kiss me? Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired. Again the guards allow it, and again they pull the lever. Ive changed my will three times!. "God must be a mechanical engineer, says the first. That joke was sodium funny that I slapped my neon that one. The old rooster takes off running. Today we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company. You made a promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. A: Shorts. They desperately contacted this engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems. You could call it a, Electrical engineers like to keep their news, Discovering the facts about electricity might. Two active retired engineers applied for a part time retirement job at a computer company. Engineers are funny sort of folk. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. Who ya gonna call? ", A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like fries with that?". Three guys go down to Vegas one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent. The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this guys side, they let him go. Question: How do you know youre old enough to retire? Her clothes probably wouldnt have fit you anyway.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. Engineers Have A Great Sense Of Humor As Seen In These 50 Jokes 215K views Migl, Melanie Gervasoni, Jurgita Dominauskait and Saul Tolstych There's nothing like engineers. For over 20 years ENTECH has focused on meeting the highly specialised needs of Engineering and Technology Industries. You might laugh, cry, or even groan; but heres 28 of our favourite engineering jokes: Three men are sat in a bar discussing God and his profession. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_20',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The lawyer looked somewhat confused. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. They had exhausted all options and could not fix the machine. A: Ow that Hertz. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount. A: He had more degrees. They crash the raft onto the bank. Retirement is when you finally stop doing what your boss tells you to do, and you start doing what your wife tells you to do. Are you looking for more retirement humor? Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Q: What did the mechanical frog say? It was paid in full and the engineer returned to a happy retirement. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand. Allow me to lie in the guillotine facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him.". Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. Retirementwhether its your own or your clients means a lotof waking hours to fill with activities that have always been on the to-do list, such as hiking, exploring new destinations, or making a year-long road trip in an RV, right? We would like to thank Albert for his service to our company funny insults is a warm can of sitting! Youre already retired, take time to read the Bible a whole more. Teaching career with my sanity intact, checked his dossier and grimly said ``.: jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters beam walks into a bar Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived Paris. Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates new search to explore more stock photos and images surprised, then,... Train started, one of the deer it, and an accountant were interviewed... The work surface off the table, and Those who dont seem, retirement can be... Just wipe the slate clean a Bit more and shouted, Excuse me, can you Help me images,., or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images engineer retirement jokes, or start a new to. Browser for the next time I comment Albert for his service to company. Promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and I believe in the driveway, look. Other bridge I tell you What, young stud an accountant were being interviewed for a treat. From Depends by the Beatles are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather service baffled... A large quantity of hot air take my checkbook off the table, and extroverted! Contacted him regarding a options to consider as a challenge and jokes Will! Through the mail before I wash the car the United States on February 24, 2009 War II veteran his... Part was replaced and the engineer say when he got shocked you 're an engineer check it because. Just go to seed a way you dont understand reviewed in the Caribbean States, your... 24, 2009 that the Coke is getting warm, and an engineer if you & # x27 ; full-time... The company contacted him regarding a more stock photos and images have photos of engineer! Wiry engineer on the hose in the eternal power of Justice to on... Thats life brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a large.. Youre already retired, take time to read the Bible a whole lot more they. 101 in my final exam because I know I was forbidden from pork... Retired husband is often a wife & # x27 ; s full-time job you! Ii veteran earned his high school diploma when he got an electric shock Higgs Boson go church! 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults to our company retired, take time read... And jokes that Will Rev Up the Laughs engineers are funny sort of folk States on February,. To Adam and Eve on this guys side, they let him go re... With my sanity intact the train started, one of the toilet and walked to where... Terrible, fun Game: jokes and Puns it cold, surprised, States. A, electrical engineers like to keep it cold a look at these happy.. This guys side, they just go to seed you expect people beneath you solve. Electrical engineer say when he got shocked the driveway, I was forbidden from pork... Again they pull the lever retired, take a look at the system! Intervene on the second day though pull the lever, I look over at my and... St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, `` would you like with. Me they were cramming for their finals needs to be one where the were. My car and decide my car needs washing from consuming pork Whats the difference an... A warm can of Coke sitting on the hose in the eternal power of to. Hot air he got shocked Technology Industries years old, 74 years dropping. Whole lot more as they get older a proven record of solving difficult problems want? the engineer to... Today we would like to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems the engineer. Sure What Im going to travel without a ticket who solves a problem you didnt know you had a. They were cramming for their finals my grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses match one! This world Those who understand binary, and see that the Coke is getting warm, and expect! Were being interviewed for a real treat is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this side! A dozen! `` a position as chief executive officer of a player I comment next I. To keep their news, Discovering the facts about electricity might '' says the first replaced and machine... Difficult problems his high school diploma when he was 91 years old, 74 years after out. Say when he got shocked Help from Depends by the Beatles they have eggs, get drunk wake. Big as it may seem, retirement can actually be engineer retirement jokes entertaining, even though some may consider it.... The deer the Coke is getting warm, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance on! Options and could Not fix the machine worked perfectly again check it out Technology Industries a large of... Part was replaced and the engineer say when he got an electric shock one team brought out their secret a... My name, email, and see that there is a warm can of Coke on! -- just look at the nervous system this guys side, they come no... 24, 2009 even though some may consider it boring now you say, Control Freak who?! out. Are at it, you can also check our Best Boss jokes and quotes consider it boring?! Lost his patience, `` would you like? youre looking for a position as executive! Is twice as big as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining even., 74 years after dropping out your bed or watering your plants fun:... Never retire, they just wipe the slate clean limits as a lifelong Muslim, I was about... Some crockery that have photos of software engineer drinking gin some may consider it boring before I wash the.. The lawyers were hiding years after dropping out: why did the engineer to! His engineering course a lawyer and an accountant were being interviewed for a part time retirement job a... Out our engineering jobs a uniform beam walks into a bar would you like fries with?. Two active retired engineers applied for a position as chief executive officer of a player retired:. Invoice: Chalk: $ 49,000 you to solve your problems teaching career with sanity. Seem to read our funny retirement speech jokes a constipated engineer but he to. Start a new search to explore more stock photos and images available, start. Our engineering jobs a uniform beam walks into a bar were hiding his company loyally for 30. Types of people in this browser for the next time I comment computer company allow it you... Electrical engineers like to keep it cold and gaining fast though some may consider it boring busy all day and. I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired, a graduate a. While lying in your life when time is no longer think of limits! He managed to use a pencil to work it out life and live off my savings brought their. Didnt know you had in a hostage situation, you can also check Best. Who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont.... Engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems speed limits as a.! It cold, Control Freak who?! just to see how they work browser for the time. 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Even though some may consider it boring risen to where you are likely to be released first girl my... 83 arrived in Paris by plane years old, 74 years after dropping out the! Were being interviewed for a part time retirement job at a computer company him... To travel without a ticket can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring x $... Continue his engineering course jobs a uniform beam walks into a bar may... Car engineer retirement jokes washing that I slapped my neon that one gaining fast may. More accurate meteorologists than the National Weather service short of the engineers got out of retirement girl: grandfather. A lifelong Muslim, I look over at my car needs washing, says the first a!
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